Chiaroscuro

I am not Italian, but I love the Italian language. I am a romantic at heart - I became an English major because Shelley, Byron, Keats and Browning spoke.just.to.me. Really, I thought they did. I took Classical Studies as an elective and my professor introduced me to the concept of "Chiaroscuro" - the play of light and dark as it changed the perspective of Rueben's and the other masters works. Once again, I was sure this work was speaking only to me. So many times in my life something has resonated so deeply within me and lit my flame that I must explore it more deeply. I believe the beautiful chiaroscuro exists within each one of us - the light and the dark. I do not abide by any religious beliefs, yet feel that I am guided. Guidance comes in many forms and it too resonates within me when it needs to. I don't run from the dark in my life - illness, my own shortcomings, death, the behaviours of others. From the dark we learn our biggest life lessons. Embracing the dark allows us to know what we don't want to be like, how we don't want to be treated and how we don't want to act. Pain is darkness and softening to our pain and letting ourselves feel it lets some of the dark out. Sitting in feelings, no matter how dark gets us truly in touch with what we need to feel. Emotional pain won't kill us or tear us apart - it is really a portal through which we can see the possiblities in our life. Not stuffing our emotions down into the dark allows our light to shine. Balancing the light and dark takes time and patience - we all learn by doing. Elizabeth Barrett Browning asks "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..." and when we love ourselves we must love all of ourselves - the dark and the light, the chiaroscuro. Now that is Romantic.

Legacy

As summer and its restful days, non-structured ease and glorious heat ticks away, I am fully aware of the need to stay rooted in the present. I no longer wish anything away. It truly seems like I was just in labour for the first time, pregnant with possibility. My first life lesson is moving to Waterloo for her second year of University. Of course I will miss her - not just because she is my daughter, my child, but because she is part of the rhythm of my day and is a really fun human being to be with. When I say "be" with, she more than anyone has taught me the importance of emotional connection and staying in the moment. Through her difficult birth, our rocky breastfeeding start and my high expectations for my first born daughter, she continually reminds me of how the way we are with our children shapes them. It is not what we think we should say around them that makes them who they are as much as how we ARE when we interact with them. Everything we model does that to them - it models our children just as a piece of pottery is molded. Our children read our energy, take it on and vibrate energetically because of what we model before them and genetically pass on to them. Our energetic legacy lives on in our children, positive or not. If only we were taught this in prenatal classes instead of what an epidural catheter looks like! If only we understood and researched this instead of keeping up with the neighbours and their swanky baby gear!

As my daughter heads off to her second year of "higher education" I wish for her only happiness. Life is so hard. I wish I knew back then what I know now about being emotionally present. Problem is, you don't know it until you are in it. For me, being "in" it means the work and experience I have garnered by working with families for over 23 years and my love of continuing education. As my legacy goes forward to the next step in her life, I hope she understands that her father and I did the best we could with the tools we had at the time. The patterns we genetically and emotionally passed on to her as well as her siblings will cause them frustration, anger, anxiety, depression and regret we are sure. What we can hope heals all the negative we have passed on is our enormous capacity to love our children. I believe we all want to give our children our best and sometimes that is the best of our worst traits. If we could we would negate the parts of our past that have fractured each of us instead of perpetuating negative patterns. We do not intentionally hurt our children. We can take ownership of our bad behaviours and co-actively parent our children with good intent. We can unpack our baggage so our kids don't have to. We can tell the truth, give our feelings room to grow and respect our children and everything they feel. We can stop diminishing what they are going through by telling them they are "okay" when they have fallen and hurt themselves. We can honour where they are when they are sad instead of thinking it is at all about us. This is how we heal our legacies, our children and ourselves. We can keep this in mind with everyone we meet. We are all fighting our own battles, we all have our own issues, problems and challenges. Be kinder than necessary with everyone you meet, for we are all wounded in one way or another. Send your love into the future, the past and most importantly, connect with it in the present. Feel it all around you. That, my friends, is your legacy.