Who Is Parenting Our Children?

Once I had children I fully occupied a brand new space on this plane. I was torn wide open by the love I felt for each one of them and continue to be that way today. As my children have grown I realized that there is a "voice" that speaks to me that I swear is like a tape recorder that has the "play and rewind" buttons activated on a daily basis. My struggles with parenting have come when the voice is telling me to do one thing and my gut instinct completely disagrees! The problem is that normally my mouth, commanded by the "voice" says something before my gut can jump in. Then I can't take it back. What I have learned is that I over 40 some odd years have internalized all of the voices of authority that I was exposed to growing up. Collectively, they have at times over the years dictated how I should be parenting. When I realized that we learn to parent based on how we were parented and I removed myself from the equation, it didn't take long to figure out that I am parenting my children based on information passed down through the generations - from people that have never even met me! Our great, great grandparents and beyond are installed in each of us, but that is all. We are not blaming anyone - everyone does the best they can with what they have at the time, but recognizing that this installation of genes, habits, traits and reactions can be UNINSTALLED by responding to a situation is so very freeing! What we need to learn to do is DIS-ENGAGE from the voice we hear. If we grew up in families where we were not allowed to have room for our feelings to grow, this can be a process that takes time. When I work with families in distress, the identification of feelings and how to describe, weight and honour them is the first step in restoring harmony and deeper connection. Sitting in these feelings, dis-engaging the voice and allowing your gut instinct to take the lead will allow you to parent your children, deepen your connection with your partner and live in the present moment. We will all make mistakes as we go - we are human and wonderful- what we cannot do is let ourselves be defined by our mistakes as this will cause us to live in our heads where the tape or voice hits "rewind" and we take our default maps, which are conditioned responses. Feel it - all of the love, the instinct and the pain and grow as a human being and a parent. That is yours to own. xo