SHUT UP!

So there have been so many times that I should have shut up. So many times when active listening instead of having to get my two cents worth in would have served me so much better. As your children grow and the primal amygdala portion of their brain is overpowered by their ego, you need to SHUT UP. Stop being sarcastic, stop reacting and stop competing! I am torn open by the number of children I witness being yelled at by their parents or being told "Well, it takes two to argue." Really? Can you not put yourself in your child's shoes and really practise empathy? Would you like to have to grow up in this age of technology, which allows access by predators to these children? Can you imagine how hard it is to be pressured as a teenager to pick what you want to do for the rest of your life - coupled with the absence of parental guidance, love and connection that is plaguing our childrens' generation? I remember being able to play outside all day - we came home for meals and had to be in for the day when "the lights came on." How many of us helicopter parent, micromanage, control and overprotect? When children are overprotected and are not allowed to move away from us at a proper developmental rate, they encounter trauma in the real world. If they have never known failure as a child, thrive on praise and stroking, they are burdened with expectations. SHUT UP! Don't praise - the pressure it puts on your child to be "good" "well behaved" and "the best" is crippling. There is nothing wrong with sharing your joy - "Thank you for making me a card - I love it!" or emoting when they play soccer - "You look like you had a lot of fun out there!" To hold space for constant praise is tiring - on you, your child, your family. Don't reward for intrinsic actions like going pee or potty - be patient and let your child tell you when they are ready to potty train. Being as empathetic as you possibly can for this, I believe, allows you to truly connect with the moment, and that is the best you can do as a parent. Now, I'll shut up.